Dear friend Jamie writes over at High Countries, and had a post regarding family size (read her post first, if you want the full context). She asked for my two cents, and I quickly realized, as I was thinking in my head how to respond, that I probably have like $1.37 worth of thoughts about this.
(Values may vary. Please consult your financial advisor.)
And since I didn’t want to hijack her comments, I decided to just write it all out here.
My husband and I were planning on four kids. Not out of any great, sound, theological basis, but mostly because, well, we came from families with four kids.
And that seemed like a good number to us.
(Also, we are both fourth children; could that have been a factor? Possibly…..)
But God had different plans for us, and we have a grand total of seven children.
And are quite happy with that number, even if it took awhile to get used to it.
Some observations on family size:
1) A married couple is, by definition, a family, whether they have zero children or go all Duggar on us. This is the basic family unit. Period. It is not any better or worse depending on how many children are a part of the family. Again, PERIOD.
2) Kids are like sponges, in the sense that they can and will absorb however much of you that you give to them. It doesn’t matter if you have one child or several children, a majority of your day as a mother of a young child or children will be taken up with the care and feeding of said offspring. So there should not be any comparison by a mother of one to a mother of four, wailing, “I can’t seem to manage one, and she is managing four! I’m a loser with a capital L!”
First of all–we’re all losers. None of us has it entirely together. And those of us who may seem to may also be running ourselves ragged, or weeping by ourselves, eating an entire bag of chocolate chips, in the closet by the end of the day. Let’s show ourselves, and one another, an abundance of grace. Motherhood is hard. There are many, many blessings and joy that come with it, but there is no two ways around it, it’s hard. And it is not a competition. So ease up, on yourselves, and on others. Let’s all try to encourage each other in our own unique situations.
3) Our identity is not in how many children we have, or don’t have, or how we manage them. It is completely, totally in Christ. Nothing else, no one else. So it doesn’t matter whether you are a mom or a dad or a construction worker or a store manager or an insurance salesman or a grandma or a dog trainer or a combination of the above–if you believe in Jesus and have trusted in his work on the cross to atone for your sins, you are God’s child, and have all of the blessings that go along with that.
Oh, and bonus? You have the Holy Spirit to walk alongside you in this life, giving you freedom and comfort and guidance and a hope, for these days we are given here, and an eternity to come.
Booyah.
4) God knows how many kids are right for your family. And you can trust him in that.
See above example of our “family planning”.
5) And lastly, yes, I think the transition from 2 kids to 3 kids is the hardest. Because, after all, you are now outnumbered.
The good news is that after that, it’s not as big of a deal, usually. They just all roll around on the carpet together in one big, jumble-y ball of children.
Throw a scrap of meat on the pile and hose them down occasionally, and it will all be fine.
Those last lines made me laugh out loud! God bless ya, Kerri. And thanks for always encouraging me with my busy world of one child.
Thank you, Kerri, for these words. Nick and I are currently weighing the decision of whether it would be wise for me to have more children, given the extent of the complications and damage I had post Titus’ c-section, and the fact that I nearly died. There’s so much that surrounds the sadness of potentially not having more, coupled with the relief, as you have aptly said about three being the worst transition, which can lead to a weird guilt-complex of feeling like i shouldn’t be relieved. Kind of a strange catch-22 that often leaves me completely at a loss of what to do. This helps tremendously. Thank you.
oh. my. goodness! i loved this. thank you thank you for adding your $1.37
it is true, we may seem like we have it all together and then be weeping by ourselves or staring into nothingness while the dishwater runs over the top of the sink. this is why i wanted to write about this stuff, just as it is. and i am blessed by your thoughts as a been-there mama. 
and again thank you for your wisdom….man how i look up to you!! thanks for being such a godly example for me!! love ya!!
“They just all roll around on the carpet together in one big, jumble-y ball of children.”
haha! hilarious. and SO true.
I haven’t laughed that hard in a while…last two lines had me going! Heather, I can relate big time…and completely agree about the 2-3 being the hardest transition. Yet, so much sadness to think about being done, however there is relief in that too.
Thanks for your honesty, and for the laughter Kerri.
Trusting God, and praying for some more wisdom on this issue.